Never to Be
by Sparkheart
Summary: Cloudtail has a nasty habit, but can one of his freinds help him see the light? Drabble, finally complete. CloudtailxThornclaw
1. Habits

"Cloudtail?" the white tom picked up his head from his trembling and looked over at me. He was standing on Brindlefaces grave.

"Thornpaw?" he murmured, "Is that you?"

"Yes," I murmured and walked towards him. I notice fresh blood on the ground. I blink and look up at Cloudtail. His face is dark, moody, greif-struck. I touch her shoulder gently with my nose. Hes cut his legs in dozens of places, trying to kill himself.

"Cloudtail, why are you doing this?" I ask him. He turns away from me and cuts a new gash in his leg, watching his dark blood flow out and stain his fur.

"I don't feel cat, Thornpaw," he whispered, "The only time i feel cat is when I bleed. It makes me feel alive." He watches the blood stop in his gash and gets ready to cut another one.

"Cloudtail," i place my paw over his and gently put it down, "You're hurting enough, Brindleface wouldn't want this to happen to you."

Cloudtail relaxes his paw and i take mine away. He's crying now, salty tears running down his face. He feels hurt inside. I can tell. Brightheart looks at him the same way every day now, with concern of his wounds. I want to comfort her, to tell her everything is alright and that Cloudtail will be fine. But i can't. Cloudtail isn't alright.

I'm not jealous of Cloudtail for being and warrior before me, he deserved it, but also, whenever I'm near him, i feel normal in more ways then one. I can't help it. Deep down inside, even though i havn't admitted to it, i love Cloudtail.

Cloudtail pushes his face into my shoulder, trembling in a shaky voice about how he's forgotten about all of his freinds. And apologising to me. I want to say it, but i can't. He loves my sister. I lead his back to the camp, where he goes to visit Lostface. I wait outside, looking in through the ferns. I love you Cloudtail, I say to myself. But it is a forbidden love.


	2. Angry at Himself

**I decided to make it into a chapter story, that's for all those who gave me good reviews!**

**(Legacy of Moonclan and Snowfeather)**

The next morning Cloudtail was missing again. So I went out to look for him, and found him at Brindlefaces grave again. Lostface was with him.

"Cloudtail," he turned around when I said that, and he flicked his tail at Lostface.

"You can go back to camp now," he said, Lostface nodded and hurried off. Cloudtail and I watched her leave.

"Firestar is planning to kill Scourge tomarrow. It's insane," I finally said, trying to start a conversation.

"She's not the only one," growled Cloudtail, slashing into the dirt of Brindlefaces grave, "_She's_ insane too, aren't you, Brindleface?"

"Cloudtail-"

"You just had to leave me, didn't you! You had to! You didn't stick around to watch me grow up, and Fernpaw and Ashpaw too! I want you to be proud of me and support me, but what's you do, lift me up and then drop me when you go to tired! I hate you!"

He ran off.

"Cloudtail-" I started, but he was gone.

Lostface crept out of the bushes, "So… Cloudtail is angry at Brindleface?"

"No," I muttered, "He's angry at himself."


	3. The Vigil

**thanks to: Warriorsfreak and Snowfeather**

"Good luck on your vigil," Brightheart told me. I nodded and looked around from the center of camp. Cloudtail… where was Cloudtail?

There he was, with Frostfur and Dustpelt. He looked normal enough, and his cuts were healing nicely. I twitched my ear, they were still raw, but Cinderpelt had done a good job.

The camp quieted, and the moon rose high, turning everything silver. The warriors fell asleep, and I closed my eyes as well, listening to the forest.

Then I heard it. Spinning around, I caught Cloudtail slipping out of the warriors den.

"Are you going to stop me?" he challenged. I didn't say anything, but narrowed my eyes.

"Thornclaw, let me pass," he growled when he noticed I wouldn't let him leave. I did nothing and he snarled, "Thornclaw!"

"Cloudtail, what are you doing?" Brighthearts face came out of the elders den.

Cloudtail hesitated, then turned around and stalked back into the warriors den. Brightheart went into the elders den. I grumbled and turned around, facing the warriors den, Cloudtail wasn't sneaking off tonight, that was for sure.

**Hm... I wonder what Cloudtail was planning to do... You'll find out later, R&R please**


	4. Why?

**Thanks to Snowfeather and warriorfreak**

The next day, I asked Cloudtail what he was going to do the night of my vigil.

"Nothing that concerns you," he hissed coldly. I flinched, and he went on, "Nothing matters anymore, not you, Swiftpaw, or Brightheart."

"Cloudtail, how could you say that?" I meowed, but he turned away, "can't you see what's happening to you?"

"What's there to know!" snapped Cloudtail before trotting off into the forest.

Brightheart crept out of the bushes, "He's tangled in a web of confusion. Death has been in his dreams." she looked over at me, "Thornclaw, only you can heal him."

"Thanks, Brightheart," i murmured, "I have to try my hardest to then."

**Please R&R**

**And if you want to complain about what pairings i like, PM me instead of reveiw my storys.**


	5. My Own Way

**More emo Cloudtail in this one, the next chappie will have more ThornCloud then this one.**

**Thanks to - Snowfeather, warriorfreak, and the Legacy of MoonClan**

I went to see Cloudtail the next day, when he was training Brightheart. The Clan was still a little shaken from Darkstripes betrayal.

Brightheart looked happy enough, but stopped and frowned when I entered the clearing.

Taking one look at Cloudtail I felt a horrible feeling clench my belly.

Cloudtail was at it again.

"Um… I-I should leave," meowed Brightheart a little quickly, and leapt out of the clearing, leaving me with Cloudtail.

"If this is about Darkstripe and Sorrelkit, I don't want to talk about it." Growled Cloudtail, "Willowpelt asked me to watch her kits while she was sleeping, but I went on patrol instead.

"It's not about that, Cloudtail," I meowed slowly, "Please understand, it's about you, you need help."

"No I don't," growled Cloudtail, "I'll solve this my own way."

**Oh the emo-ness...**

**Oh well**

**R&R!**


	6. Thanks

**Sorry I didn't update, got caught up in my free-ness of winter break...**

**Oh, and there's been a little confusion about the chapters, for Drabbles, it's around 100-500 words a chapter.**

**Thanks to: Skypaw, Doxeh, Saf Dawnheart, warriorfreak, and Speaker of the Dragons for reveiws**

* * *

Cloudtail snuck out again that night. I sleep right next to him, and I felt him get up. So I got concerned and fallowed him.

Cinderpelt watched us both leave, but she didn't say anything, and went back into her den.

Cloudtail turned up at the river. He didn't cut himself this time, and I sat behind him.

"Why does it still shine?" He asked me, suddenly. I blinked, and he elaborated, "The moon, why?"

I was confused, "It will always, Cloudtail. The moon is there to guide the stars to truth, and then shine it down upon the living."

Cloudtail looked down at the river, "It reflects the leaves like silver."

I nodded, "That's right, Cloudtail. I saw Brindleface in the moonlight once, and she looked just like the moon."

Cloudtail got up and padded back towards the camp, but paused and turned to lick my neck.

"Thanks, Thornclaw," he murmured, and trotted away.

* * *

**Yup... Again, i'm sorry for not posting in a while!! I'll update more oftenly**


	7. She Became the Moon, to Watch Over Them

**Thanks to: warriorfreak and Kewix**

That night, the night before the battle against Scourge, I couldn't sleep. So instead, I went to Cinderpelts den.

"Here, you just have a slight fever," she pushed a few leaves towards me. "Go take a walk as well, it'll help."

I nodded and left the camp, trotting up the river. It was so… quiet. I paused at the place where Cloudtail had been the night before, and, remembering his words, glanced up at the moon.

There was a moment of stillness, and then I felt my heart skip a heart, and then pound furiously in my chest, like I was running as fast as I could.

The moon was Brindleface. Her eyes were glazed over in a milky-silver sheen, but they could see, and her fur radiated with the moons shine.

A voice whistled through the trees, and touched my ears, "I saw a beautiful she-cat die at the claws of a traitor, and the stars took pity on her, and placed her face in the moon, to look down upon her children. Even the ones that were not her own."

The clouds alongside the moon shifted, and for a slight moment, they looked like cats. One, the closest to the moon, looked white, while the other two, smaller, were a light gray, flecked with darker areas.

"I see," murmured Thornclaw, "So Brindleface has become the moon."

**hm... random chapter, next one will be the battle between BloodClan and LionClan... Hm... Perhaps I'll have a... lot... of CloudThorn moments...**


	8. Thank You

**This chapter is a little longer then the others, and so will the last one, which is next, anyways, thank you to:**

**warriorfreak**

**Doxeh**

**and RunningStorm**

* * *

It started with two

words, and then my world became a confused bundle of anger, pain, and blood. 

"LionClan, attack!" he yowled, racing forward. I fallowed Whitestorm, running alongside Cloudtail. Both of us felt the adrenaline rushing through us, and I soon felt the enemies reinforced claws digging into my shoulder.

Cloudtail was gone, and as I battled hard, I soon found myself overwhelmed.

Pinned down by three other warriors, blood blinding me, turning me as helpless as a kit. I felt death brush past me and reach for my throat when all the weight was liften off of me.

I furiously turned over and blinked a few times, freeing the blood from my sight and turning around.

Cloudtail, covered in blood and pelt torn to shreds, was chasing away the rest of the warriors.

I ran over to him and leaned him against my shoulder, licking his wounds repeatedly to stop the bleeding. I smelt the unmistakable stench of the BloodClan leader on his pelt.

"Firestar used a life on him," whispered Cloudtail, his legs buckling beneath him, "He said came back to life in time. Thornclaw, thank you so much."

"Don't talk like you're going to die!" I hissed back, pausing from my furious licking.

I glanced around, the other warriors were fleeing, a few giving some last slashes before darting back to their stinking Twolegplace home.

One, a large black tom with one eye torn out from the battle, caught sight of us and raced over, eyes fixed on Cloudtail.

As he struck down to kill the white tom, I slipped in the way, and felt the blow to kill hit the back of my head.

* * *

**Yes... the next chapter will come tomarrow, that's for sure, and I'm going to write a sequal to Dreams too, so be ready for it.**


	9. Saved

**Last chapter, folks, and then I'm off to write the sequal to Dreams and perhaps another story, I'd have to think about it. Once the sequal is posted, though, I think I'll start working on an original warrior-based one called Destiny, read about it in my profile.**

* * *

I knew I should have died that day, but something remarkable happened, and when I opened my eyes, Brightheart and Cloudtail were looking down at me.

"How did he survive?" I heard a voice somewhere else, and I twitched my tail, rolling over and sitting up shakily

"She took pity on me," I whispered to Cloudtail, "I felt the moon come down to me and wrap me in its love, telling me that I couldn't die yet, that I still had things to do."

Cloudtail licked my ear gently, "You know we can never be," he murmured finally, "I'm sorry I have to tell you this."

I shrugged, while inside I was dying in pain, "Let's at least be friends then," I finally said, and he nodded. I glanced upwards at where the moon was during the day, and felt a shiver ripple through me. Whatever had happened, the moon had given me her life, replacing the life that I had lost defending her child.

As we walked back to camp, I didn't feel regret in me, only pride, knowing I has saved the life of the cat deep down I loved.

* * *

**Ho-hum, i thought i could have done a better job on the ending, but i guess not. Oh well, read and reveiw, comment and criticize, read my other stories and the ones i hope to post soon. The one 'Destiny' will be a different style of writing, but that's pretty much it.**


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